FRUSTRATION WITH A 22 KILO WEIGHT PENALTY

Right now I'm frustrated.
Frustrated that I seem to perpetually be moving nowhere, yet my feet spin wildly, and the only distance I travel is to fetch things for a 4 year old. Frustrated that a 4 year old wont let me have a normal conversation with even my own husband. Frustrated at the lack of comprehension skills a 4 year old has to get off his sister. now. please. for the fourth time I'm asking. NOW. Frustrated at this never ending floppy mopey whingy whiny stage of his life. I am desperately hoping one day soon he'll start wiping his own bottom too. Over that. Totally over that.

Frustrated that I have no space/time/place to have my own thoughts even for ten minutes in the day, and so everything I need to think about gets pressed against the sides of my head till it aches. 3 times a week I go walking, when I can. Just me. A good strong walk which raises the heart beat, gets the sweat going, makes my legs believe they are capable of working. For an hour I get to have my thoughts, and I frantically make lists, write imaginary blog posts and emails, vent anger and excess energy on the pavement, and relax into the anonymity of the dark streets. I took Pia in the stroller yesterday - and the extra 22 kilos of dead weight between stroller/baby/pregnancy weight/stuff in the bottom of the stroller - were noticeable. For some reason my stomach muscles hurt today.

And frustrated that the things I want to get done for me - simple things like a stretch of time to perhaps sew something simple that I know will only take 15 minutes, never eventuate. I started the Roza Socks by Grumperina from the current Interweave a month ago. Socks are supposed to be quick, right? I'm still just past the toes on toe up socks. I have sewing piling up, and I'm wishing the pins holding it all together will form their own stitches while I sleep one night. My desire to alter and experiment with simple patterns, while achievable in theory, is near impossible in practice at the moment. And so little quick projects get done too quickly and I feel I've let them down because they're not design or technical perfection.

At least I cook dinner every night. That counts for something - doesn't it?

Comments

[Rosa Pomar]

I'm right there with you.

[karen in toronto]

i'm so glad you're writting this post, especcially today . I feel less lonely...

my 4 year old daughter is..sorry to say that...a NIGHTMARE...
I live the same situation as you do, every day...
even the wiping bottom part :o/ - when I'm nursing the baby sister of course !...

pffff I feel better now, thanks to you...

I just can say SORRY...

PS : I don't cook every evening ;o)

[Emma]

I hear you! Four year olds can be so... so... frustrating sometimes, just like you say. I hope it will pass soon too. Hang in there! My daugther asked me last week " Mama, we are not the same person, are we?" which pretty much sums it up. She is becoming independent - from me. I am just glad she takes it out on me and not on her baby brother.

Keep on walking and cooking. :)

[Amelie]

Yes, cooking counts. Definitely. Take a deep breath, and good luck.

[Heels]

I think it's so tough to have a new baby and a 4 yr old. That's the age my daughter was when my son was born and there was a stretch of at least 6 months when my daughter became needy and peevish.

The phrase "this too shall pass" is perfectly useless, but I think things will sort themselves out. I only hope it's sooner rather than later and that the socks knit themselves.

[rebecca]

wow. i wish you didn't have to deal with such daily frustrations. maybe you'll have a good bit of time to yourself so you can recharge and get those socks above toe-level.

[john]

So nice. Get it out, girl. You can use my email address if you ever want an ear.

[esmerelda]

I have no experience of the child thing, so all I can say is keep your chin up, keep walking (maybe increase this if you can?) and life will find its balance again. I hope you get to spend more time with that sock yarn, if nothing else - it looks rather special. :)

[sally]

Cooking every night definitely counts. Sending big hugs to you.

[Susana]

Great post. I know E-X-A-C-T-L-Y what you feel (2 1/2 yr old + 7 month old). Some of my sanity recipe includes: 60 min yoga class once a week (I NEVER skip this), a cleaning lady every other week, I've subscribed to every positive affirmation daily email service out there - I like Bob Proctor's words today: if you don't like something, change it, if you can't change it, then change your attitude. I know, I know, some moments, NOTHING seems to help, except the fact that there are so many creative moms going through the same thing. Yours in solidarity ; - ) Village Mama

[kate]

...just remember- they grow up FAST and then they are gone- my 4 are all grown now. What you are doing now is SO important for them and means something - it really does. And how wonderful to have healthy children, no genetic disease like cystic fibrosis, where you would be giving them oxygen every day...enjoy them!

[Siew]

Oh how I hear your frustration. I have a 2.5 year old and yesterday morning, as I was trying to get us out the door to work I thought my head might explode from the tantrums exiting from this little being. And then this morning, after a good night's sleep, I have this charming, bright little angel. They tear us apart in so many directions and so many ways.

I hate cooking dinner every night but do it.

[joyce]

i hear you and i feel you! especially w/ the four year old touching, climbing on top of his sister...AND of course not listening - i've been wanting, wanting to sew...no time...i've been trying to finish my son's red socks...no time...my husband and i take bits of time for ourselves for "need to do things" -- but it's never enough time...i don't know how you cook dinner everynight...that does count for a lot!

[Alison]

Ahh--I remember those days, my three daughters are now 16,20,and 24yrs. My middle daughter spent the first year of my youngest daughters life with us telling her to get out of her sisters face! We started with the nice asking and explanations and then started with the phrase get out of her face which she still remembers. Even today they remain the closest of friends. My two goals while my girls were growing up were 1. to only wipe my own bum in the bathroom and 2. to own one piece of artwork that didn't have to be glued back together! With that said, they grow up too fast and you don't notice it until it's past. Good luck, you bring back great memories and as said in an above post, this to shall pass. At least you can still pick them up and move them if you choose. Wait til they are teenagers, that's when you really need a support group! Dinner every night as a family is so important. Great job!

[cari]

Yes, dinner counts. It counts a lot.

and here I was, feeling overwhelmed with just one baby to contend with.

Any chance Albert can give you some child-free time this weekend?

[May]

Thank you for posting this...

I don't mean to seem like I'm enjoying your pain at all. Its just, I have an office job, and I browse quite a few blogs with beautiful children (such as your own) and its really easy for a twenty something girl to get the baby fever (which I have a horrible case of). I guess I should enjoy my last couple of childless years for what they are and not try fast track things.

Anyway, I just want to thank you for being real.

[Lynn in Tucson]

Aaaah...thank you for this! We, too, are incapable, at the moment, of carrying on a conversation between two consenting adults and of imparting, effectively, to the four-year-old that the cat and other smallish children are not her playthings to be pestered sans cesse.
I also have the same pile of projects that would take less than an hour, if I only had that hour before 10:00 p.m.
Sigh.
Keep walking. And don't forget to breathe.

[anna]

I just came across your blog recently and find it very inspiring, you are so creative and I love the truth in all your posts.

All I can say is "this too shall pass...."
Hugs to you.

[cristina in brooklyn]

Forget the lists---they're bad for the psyche. I was a compulsive list maker until my second child was born. Now I try to never write a list that has more than 3 items on it. I too yearn to go on little walks...

[Melanie]

Oh yeah. Four year old and a baby... soul draining on some days, isn't it. I don't manage to cook dinner every evening, so you're one up on me.

[shannon]

I bet you, in 6mths time I will be writing this exact same post. But without the tact, and articulation. But also be adding in ' walking alone is my dream, I cant leave the house without a pram, two dogs and a shopping list or I get dirty looks '

(And then spend the walk thinking the damn kinder teacher thinks my daughter needs to see a speech pathologist?????)

Obviously I have no words of wisdom. Im a few steps behind you.

[M-H]

Hard, hard hard. I had a 4yo, and 2yo and a new baby once upon a time. You do survive, but it's hard to take the long view when you're in it. Cooking dinner can be a major achievement, so take pride in it.

[rebecca]

I can only begin to imagine ....

btw cooking more than counts!

[Violet & Rose]

Yep, it's hard. Some days I feel like my head will explode just from the sheer bulk of the "to do" list that is filed inside. Some days I need to remember to breathe. So, keep breathing ..... and take it as it comes.

[Kate]

I thought they were meant to get easier as they got older! I hope you find knitting/sewing time soon. The socks look great so far.