SYNCRONICITY

Not every week:day:month runs smoothly. Some weeks run as pure nonsensical rubbish. And then you are left reeling from the events and turns and wishing for goodness to descend once again. Last week is over. This week is a new week. The petals on my flowers have dried and fallen, time for new flowers.

The start to school hasn't been as smooth as I assumed. My beautiful self assured child who considers everyone his friend until proven otherwise, who plays with everyone, has felt the pressure of enormity that school is, how friendships change, how not everyone is as nice as he believes - or knows - them to be, and that somehow his mother is caught up in this massive life change around him, and he feels her anxiety too. I think he's had a week of feeling lost and overwhelmed and oh! how I have wanted to take him and make everything great for him, knowing there are some things I must trust him to negotiate himself. It's been much better this week and over the weekend, and I know it will be ok in a few weeks. We have a birthday party to plan - it will be fine.

My transition to non-working-in-an-office mother hasn't been as smooth as I assumed either. It's been a fragile few weeks. I need to take things in around me, relax, and breathe. I need to make lists (done). And then take stock of what I can and can't do through my time. And then half my expectations. I need to grasp the fact my daughter turned into a girl overnight and has a mind, a will, a determination, a character. And that she copies faultlessly me and her brother everything we do. We need to re-establish our rhythm together through the day while Max is at school, and find that special one-on-one place we used to have.

My lists are written, and slowly being crossed off::tops and dresses for Pia::invitations gocco'd for Max::patterns drafted::Knit projects finished::Sumidity finalised ready for release::wool wound::Pia's knitted tunic - err, lying unravelled and started again from scratch and the pattern kind of lost along the way in favour of reshaping which will be closer to what I want but slowly being reborn::new books to peruse::a few moments to walk and photograph::trying to teach Pia to say her name::baking homemade Ricotta, sweet potato, chive and olive pizza [it was very, very good].

I may even get around to making creme brulee this week. But first, new flowers, with colour.

Comments

[michelle]

Make them bright, deep pink, and breathe deeeep.

Good things coming soon. :)

[Creature of Habit]

Lists always help me too, a subtle form of therapy!

My heart breaks for little Max. The first time I saw a "big" kid shove my 4-year old nephew on a playground I was enraged(while my sister stayed nice a calm) and chewed the big kid out! It's so, so hard to watch them grow at times. I can't imagine if they were my 'own'.
Max will be great, and he'll develop character from this. the ups and down though may give you gray hair! ;)

[kate]

Good luck. I'll be thinking of you guys. And just to check: did you get my email?

[gkgirl]

ahhhhhhh...
this
i
get...
this bumpy bit of road,
i totally get.

heres to smooth sailing again soon!

[Susana]

Lists are helpful...and this quote: 'Today should always be our most wonderful day' - Thomas Dreiser

a difficult quote for work at home moms, but it's something to strive for/be impressed by.

Wishing you strength adapting to your new work environment.

[Mama Urchin]

Transitions are always hard, even for grown-ups. Thinking of you.

[stinkerbell]

nothing ever runs smoothly or at least not what we think of as smoothly. and in the grand scheme of things... just about everything is nonseniscal rubbish. when we learn to revel in that our ulcers might just go away (not that that will ever happen :))
and for the record, max will be fine, pia will be beautiful, and you will be wonderful. it just is that way :)

[kirsten]

phew. i am glad it isn't just me feeling tied up in knots and wrung out emotionally, physically and mentally... i sure hope all this 'stuff' settles down soon for me, too, as i am exhausted!
[hugs and warm wishes to you]

[joyce]

I'm nervous for Jason when he will start kindergarten this coming September. I know it will take time to adjust.

[joanna]

you're a busy mom, and very capable and talented...hope you find rest and peace in between the chores. =)

[Kristen]

I hope things settle and get into a rhythm for you soon. I feel like I'm still catching up, washing, resting, working...to many ideas, too little time. Looking forward to seeing the girl soon. And saying her name, that would be adorable.

[Jennifer]

It's painful to see them unhappy, but I wish I had stepped aside more often. I worry more now that my son is too sheltered and naive.

[Cruz]

Can we please have the pizza recipe? We are vegetarians and that sounds yummy!

[M-H]

Change is the only constant, especially around children. Remember to breathe.

[Shula]

Slowly, slowly.

[larissa]

I know what you mean about that kind of week. I try to remember that this junk we are doing *is* our life. It's nice, we're together, even as things don't go well. I know that won't work for everyone, just as thought as to what I try to focus on.

The pizza sounds wonderful! Today we're baking oatmeal bread.

[susan]

deep deep down, i have to remember to trust my gut feeling.... cuz that probably is the right answer for me and my kids....if it means keeping him home one day and i can, i should try and do it....if it means saying yes, when you know you'll be worried about them, as they are taking new steps towards independence, then i must try and say yes, and bank these moments for later when i can look back and say, was saying yes so bad ? (my 15 year old just brought up the question of getting her nose pierced. :)

enough blabbering and hello there from oh so snowy Toronto.
just reading your latest took me back to my son's Junior Kindergarten year and how he cried, and i cried sitting outside the classroom , and the teacher said to me " how long are you going to keep doing this? (and i knew the teacher from the previous year and really didn't mind her)...and i said tearily "i don't know." Deep inside I thought to myself "well he won't be doing this when he is 16".

Now he's 12 going on 13 and he keeps on teaching me what is best for him even though i don't always hear it.( i try, i try... but somedays it's so hard.)

am sending you a virtual mini bouquet of lily of the valley to smell and enjoy. Trust yourself. Do what YOU think works...and thank you for your wonderful posts and site. Keep writing!

[di]

Change is often challenging in unexpected ways. And even when we expect it, the actual realities often take us by surprise. Lists are always a good help. I should write some lists too!

[Steffen Tuck (architect in Brisbane)]

Be brave, and push on . . . . finding the time when the kids are small is very important. . . I feel like that time for me passed like the wind, whilst I tried to undertake my architecture . . . but now, it is just seems like a big blur in my head. I have been reading a lot of fantastic blogs over the last 3 months, and getting me really exciting about the prospects of 'slowing down' to take charge of life and do some other non-architectural things with my life.

[amisha]

thinking of you through this transition, my sweet al.
and weirdly, i felt a bit the same towards e this past week as you did towards max... a need to wrap my arms around him and protect him from bitterness, difficulty, cold. and i couldn't. but as you say... that was last week, it is monday, i just hit "send" on my paper and things will start anew.
(which means i will finally get to write you a proper email)
xoxo