EMPTY AND FULL AT THE SAME TIME

As I walk down the corridor tonight, I look up the stairs at the end, and something is missing. There is light coming down from the top. There is no cot up there. The doors are not shut. There is silence and stillness up there. I cannot hear, feel, sense my baby up there. It is empty. It is ours once again.

As I walk back down the corridor I know she is in her cot, in another room, one she will now share with her brother. Admittedly now it is one very tidy room having spent the entire day today cleaning, clearing, sorting, throwing, packing, dusting, wiping, and re-organising the room for her. It doesn't quite feel right in there - like she's invaded his space, like she has no sense of 'her' in there, yet.

It is such a big thing, moving a child into their own space, away from you. It was never this hard with Max - his transitions occurred as we moved countries and houses, and it was natural. But this one, this one is far more tied in with Time, and the sudden lurching forward into childhood Pia has taken. I'm seeing new things in her every day - new words, new expressions, new comprehension of her world and the conversations within it, both verbal and visual. We are both transitioning - indeed, all of us are going through a massive transition phase right now as we move speedily through decisions, schemes, ways of life - change. Sometimes it can be hard to stop and acknowledge them all, to see sense in it, to see those transitions happen in real time. When we do get those opportunities though, they are like magic.

When I found out Pia actually did indeed play with dolls, I wasn't kidding when I said this was a complete surprise to me. We have one small doll in the house, which Max plays with occasionally, but she had never shown much interest in it. I made the dolls quilt for later - for when she might be interested - later. I was so in love with the concept of the making of this quilt for her and her dolls, so tied up in the romantic notions of my own love of dolls and hand made quilts and blankets and doll clothes from my own childhood, that I fully expected this to be something made for the blog, which may, or may not, ever get played with, despite my need for her to show some girliness and play with dolls. And I was quite fine with that.

But do you know, she hasn't stopped playing with the doll, or the quilt set, or the bed since she got it. She has undressed the doll (a simple one from a pre-school supply warehouse - brilliant quality and lifelike without the 'fuss'), put it to bed, wrapped it, fed it, patted it to sleep, bashed it's head against every wall and door frame in the house, dragged it up stairs and down, and tenderly lent in to kiss it. Kissing! My little one has started kissing things! Including me!

My heart might just burst right here.

[quilt and cot set details: linen quilt with sashiko embroidery to echo the large scale floral patterning across the top border. Contrast coordinating cotton fabrics run through - some Echino dots, some Liberty print, some quilting cottons I don't know the name of. A little dusty pink tag, and a hand printed 6.5st linen tag. Organic cotton wadding in the middle, and red french knots to bind it all. White polycotton - just more durable and less crinkled when washed - pillowcase style mattress sheet with two white button closures. A white waffle weave sheet with edge trim in the same cottons for the quilt. A mattress made from layers of cotton wadding, red ticking and white buttons. Eventually I'll do a pillow as well.]

Comments

[raspberry]

This has brought me so close to tears I can tell you!
It is so wonderful when children develop in a way in which you never dreamed would be possible, especially when you have just left them to discover things for themselves :)
Pia is a very lucky little girl, and you are a wonderful mummy too :)

[alice]

It was so funny when I saw this photo today, because I already knew you were doing the quilt set, and I did one of my own for my daughter, specially requested by her as a christmas gift, but the doll bed is exactly the same :)

I never was too girly, as a child, but my daughter, by instint, loves to play with dolls, specially babies - this was also a surprise to me...

[Mama Urchin]

Just wonderful.

[Courtney]

you've shown me a bit of what is to come for my Lucie. and I love the quilt.

[Tracy]

Beautiful, beautiful.

[Angelia]

It is even harder when they become teeage and really start to move/break away from you. I am going through that right now. I am really feeling lost.
A
You find the most interesting fabrics, by the way.

[ali]

what a beautiful thought - a little one's first 'intentional' kiss for her mother - how i can't wait for such lovely moments :)
{speaking of which, only 4 weeks to go...yikes!!}

the quilt is gorgeous, i love the colors + prints, especially the dusty pinks and red :)

[cari]

I'm glad that sleeping transition went well for you. Ours was a big bust. Kiddo let us know in no uncertain terms (and we tried for three nights) that he wasn't ready yet. So we're giving it a few more months and will try again. Good thing we went for the king-size bed.

[sue]

Oh how sweet! I think it is adorable when they kiss all their "babies". I am so glad that she loves it as much as you do. I hope that sharing a room with her brother will be fun for her too.

[kirsten]

i wasn't then or now particularly girly with two older brothers to play with (think matchbox cars & lego) so i also take delight in watching my daughter love her doll - undress it, wrap it, feed it, wrap it, kiss it, 'nigh nighs', etc. totally priceless.
my favourite part? when she kisses me and says 'love oo, mummy'. i just want to wrap her up and put her in my pocket forever.

[Carson]

Love that tea set

[charlotte]

maybe you can teach pia to make you breakfast in bed one of these days :)

[PipC]

Love the quilt. I can see fabric in there that is also in the scarf and pants I bought from you. It's a silly little thing I love about my sewing, that one piece of loved fabric is used in many different projects and spread out amongst different people.

I second the tea set love. Did you get it in Australia?

[di]

Ahhh, So beautiful and so wonderful and so satisfying and so heartwarming. They grow up so fast don't they?

[kylie]

It's funny - I found that I was so excited about choosing a doll's house for my daughter, not to mention bringing out the beautifully crafted hand-made dolls my grandmother had made and I had carefully kept. Well, the dollhouse and little dolls to go with it were barely touched by my daughter - but my toddler son just loves them!
- Kylie

[renee]

Love that teaset! Who makes it?

[amisha]

such a beautiful post... i love the idea of stopping to think about transitions happening in real time, and the magic of that. thank you for this. xox