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A year ago.
Thirty six years ago. *
Who are these two? Are they the same, or are they seperate?
The answer is both.
Thirty six years ago [just to be clear, it's not my birthday, you'll have to wait till next year for that :) ] I was growing up half a world away in a different culture, with a different accent, with different expectations. I walked around with my hands tucked into my dungarees. My language was different. My best friend was called Beth. My best toy was a full size doll called Florence. I used to peek through a hole in the fence to watch the two girls next door - who would be such an integral part of my desire to hold onto my life in this other country that they became, for a while, a part of me without ever knowing it - and they would make me daisy chains.
A year ago I was holding on tight to a couple of precious people who were emailing me and giving me the best advice and wisdom and calming words for the anxiety I was feeling about what appeared to be long drawn out pre-labour. A year ago today I met Kristen in a playground and our boys played. During that afternoon pre-labour became labour, and quickly became full on intense labour. And the most amazing experience ever, particularly after the trauma of Max's birth.
And then she was with us.
This little girl, so determined, so beautiful and engaging. Her mind is her own, always has been, and she is very clear what she likes and dislikes. She loves anything with egg or ricotta in it. She adores the red car we have in the backyard that she can ride in. She wants to do whatever Max does. She wants to be outside, playing, running, exploring. She is confident, and assured, and older than her 12 months. She has a wonderful heart felt giggle and laugh. She has a head of small curls. And she loves pushing furniture around to the edges of rooms and space. She has an intense look of consternation on her face sometimes. And the most gorgeous garble of sounds. She likes to dangle things around her neck - clothes, tape measures, circular knitting needles, chains.
I look at her and often I see me, and am constantly disappointed no one else sees that. I see the side of me I keep internalised on display for all the world with her. Our last year together has been one of intense mother love for a child. I am far more conscious of what Pia has the capacity to become than with her brother, and also far more conscious of maintaining equilibrium in how I raise the two of them. I feel Pia attached intrinsically to me through generations of maternal lineage, we are one and the same person, and you never quite get that till you have children. How deeply attached they can be, despite being their own person. This year has been an incredible year of growth for both of us - all of us as a family. This first year, which has gone by so fast, and all at once I am sad for the year which can't be regained, and so incredibly excited for the rest of her life, which she will share with us.
Happy birthday my poppet - I am you and you are me.
* A day late for Flashback Friday, I hope you'll forgive the need to write on Pia's birthday instead.
Perfect words and perfect photos to celebrate a very special day.
I wish you both a happy birth day, and send you my usual bunch of xo's all the way from switzerland.
I also hope that the australian post is quick and reliable... ;-) it was a bit late for swiss chocolate when I learned about today! :)
Posted by: filambulle | October 13, 2007 at 10:26 PM
It's been a year? That went by fast! Happy Happy Birthday to Pia!
Posted by: erin | October 13, 2007 at 10:45 PM
Honey,
I think you gave birth to yourself.
Posted by: shula | October 14, 2007 at 12:13 AM
Happy Birthday gorgeous girl Pia!
Posted by: Rebecca | October 14, 2007 at 06:13 AM
beautiful al, happy birthday gorgeous pia xxx
Posted by: sarah | October 14, 2007 at 09:50 AM
What a beautiful tribute to your daughter! We had a beautiful Danish exchange student (who I worshipped) named Pia stay with our family when I was young and so I've always had a fondness for that name. Happy Birthday little Pia!
Posted by: Carrie | October 14, 2007 at 02:06 PM
happy 1st birthday, pia! hope you all had a special day celebrating. i really enjoyed this post and the thoughts you expressed. can so relate. so precious. so priceless.
Posted by: kirsten | October 14, 2007 at 07:30 PM
Like lightening! What a year. Congratulations on getting there.
Posted by: sooz | October 14, 2007 at 09:32 PM
Happy Birthday Pia, My little girl turns 1 in December & I am feeling a bit teary just thinking about it now.
Posted by: Christie | October 14, 2007 at 10:36 PM
beautiful. happy birthday Pia!
Posted by: rhelynn | October 15, 2007 at 09:26 AM
this is such a sweet post! the pictures are so sweet. must be a wonderful year with pia!! happy birthday.
Posted by: blossom | October 16, 2007 at 04:53 AM
It's shocking that your little bumpkin is already one and I suddenly realize I've been reading your blog for so much longer than that! Congratulations and happy birthday Pia!
Posted by: Erin | October 16, 2007 at 09:04 AM
You're right, she's a dead ringer for you.
(the dungarees!! )
Lovely post :)
Posted by: Carson | October 16, 2007 at 10:19 AM
Sweet post... Happy Birthday to your little one...
Smiles...
Beverly
Posted by: tea time and roses | October 16, 2007 at 10:19 AM
just beautiful! all of it.
Posted by: cathy | October 16, 2007 at 09:40 PM
Wow, happy birthday little one! I cannot believe it's been a year!! :)
Posted by: joleen | October 17, 2007 at 02:48 AM
Beautiful. Happy birthday to you both.
Posted by: valentina | October 17, 2007 at 06:08 AM
Happy Birthday Pia. Thank you for sharing your joy, that was beautiful to read.
Posted by: Rebecca | October 17, 2007 at 02:06 PM
what a beautiful post! One to treasure! Happy Birthday to Pia!
Posted by: Di | October 17, 2007 at 10:02 PM
What a beautiful post Alice. Thank you for sharing!
Posted by: Anne M. | October 18, 2007 at 05:10 PM
happy birthday to both of you on this day when she was born and you became her mother.
Posted by: emily | October 19, 2007 at 12:49 PM
Just another birthday wish for Pia. That was so beautifully written.
Posted by: ling | October 21, 2007 at 06:54 AM
happy happy belated birthday, sweet pia.
such beautiful words here dear al. the resemblance here is astonishing, and deep.
xoxo
Posted by: amisha | October 23, 2007 at 11:38 AM
how beautiful. happy belated birthday to your little pia. :)
Posted by: patricia | October 26, 2007 at 11:23 AM
Anxiety is never a nice thing to cope with, and I am glad that Pia's birth went much better for you. You both look so cute in your pics, and Pia is growing up so quickly too. My daughter is now 6 yrs, and it has gone much faster than when my son was little. I feel the second baby always wants to do what the first one does, so it makes their milestones much faster too. I am sure that Pia will grow up to be just as wonderful as her mother.
Posted by: Sue | October 27, 2007 at 08:48 AM