RE: RECENT CORRESPONDENCE

October 6th 2006

Dear Mummy, (herein referred to as The Owner)

I am writing to inform you that I will not be able to vacate the property located within the middle section of Your Body as noted in our contract dated January 1st 2006. Under the aforementioned contract, it was anticipated that the lease period would end on October 7th 2006. For various personal reasons I have not been able to achieve that date for vacating. Under Section 3 of the Tenants Rights Act, I wish to invoke Clause 5.1 which allows the tenant an additional 14 days tenancy with no ramifications or penalties due.

In accordance with the original lease, the premises will be left in good condition. I reserve the right to take with me various fixtures - namely the kitchen (herein referred to as The Placenta) and associated plumbing installed at my expense. All walls will be made good. In return I leave the premises clean and all floors will be steam cleaned prior to departure. I leave also any renovation works carried out by myself , including any additional rooms (inclusive of deck and jacuzzi).

Yours faithfully,

October 7th 2006

Dear Petite 6.5st, (herein referred to as The Squatter)

We acknowledge receipt of your correspondence dated 6th October 2006 and wish to inform you of the Owners intention to take the property by force if necessary, and that due to previous experience will refute your claim to Squatters Rights for a period of 14 days. You will have received prior notification from a third party (herein referred to as The Acupuncturist) that eviction proceedings were begun on October 6th 2006 in a small room off King Street. The Owner wishes to inform you that these current proceedings will continue for a period of 4 days. If you still remain within the property after that date, additional force will be used at a date to be determined, but no later than October 17th 2006. A meeting to determine additional action took place on October 4th 2006 with a follow up meeting to take place October 11th 2006, wherein notification will be sent to you of those plans and any critical dates for you to note.

We once again stress that it is in all parties best interests for you to vacate the premises at your earliest. The Owner has provided numerous incentives, copies of which are noted in Appendices i, ii, and iii, and believes your stay has been comfortable and enjoyable, but that it is time for you to move on.

Yours Faithfully,

Comments

[Jussi]

eviction of previous recalcitrant babies:
prune juice, fast paced walking,squatting and shhhh...s-e-x

phew! sent your parcel off yesterday, just in the nick of time I see.

[sarah]

:)

[M-H]

Very good. Can't wait to see this stroppy little girl. :)

[dani (pyglet)]

Great post!
Hopefully your little squatter takes notice of your intentions and vacates ASAP.
Good wishes and best of luck for future proceedings.
:)

[Trine]

Dear 6,5
This surely made me laugh. Now I have tears in my eyes, maybee just to excuse spelling, and a hikop (no idea how to spell that).
I will remeber your correspondense when I'm sitting waiting in january.
Best wishes for nearby progress on solving the issue. :-D

[Carolyn]

Ohmygosh, this is too funny! (and I am a lawyer by trade). My son was 10 days late -- and he's been late for everything for the last 17 years. Good luck! (and, I'll represent you pro bono)

[Kate]

My 8yr old was desperate to be a May Day Baby so he hung in there for 14 days and was well and truly cooked when he finally came out. Is there a special date or anniversary The Squatter might be looking at?

[Ali]

I managed to evict son number one by eating a whole fresh pineapple in one sitting (but my tongue was mighty itchy afterwards). Good luck with the acupuncture!

[Nicole]

LOL Nice work Miss Al, I wondered where you guys were at. Lucky for me the camel might arrive before Petite does :)

[cari]

Soon, mama. Soon.

[Nurseshar]

Very funny, I loved it. I hope the eviction goes smoothly.

[lisa s]

oh alison.... at least you still have a sense of humor....

come on pia - give you mummy a break!
xo

[love squalor]

this is so cute! gave me such a good laugh! and oh do i know how you feel. i am sending you positive energy and happy thoughts for a smooth ride in these next few days. hugs!

[karen]

I leave Canada in few hours - I'll check on Petite's eviction from France ;o) - wish you a wonderfull delivery, and many good thoughts for the last days with your belly !!

[nichola]

So funny! I hope it all happens soon for you. Come out Petite!

[filambulle]

I think I love you.
That is perfect. Good luck with the eviction, and Bienvenue to this world, Petite. I will think of you both.

[Adele]

Hilarious!

I second Jussi's last suggestion - my sister, a GP, recommends it to her overdue patients. Apparently it's a hormonal thing and, because it's his hormones that are the key, you don't need to enjoy yourself (only your hubby does).

I've also heard of curries and watching that old movie "3 men and a baby" doing the trick.

[Helen]

This is the most delightful piece of writing! hope all goes well for you all in the next couple of days

[sarah]

i think petite must have heard about the tack challenge birthing mat :)

[Pip]

Brilliant. I love your incentives too.

[Rebecca]

I have laughed and laughed at this, you have my full sympathies, both of my little squatters were 2 weeks late and had to be induced out. Sending you speedy labour wishes.

[Ginger]

My little squatter waited 9 days to be born on my father's b'day. Here's hoping your little squatter will show good form and be out quicker than that.

[michelle]

Good Luck with the eviction! Some squatters really take their rights a bit far!!

[Kerry]

Good luck Alison, thinking of you.

[Bel]

I've been thinking of you over the weekend, hoping that petite had a little of your punctuality! Good luck over the next few days - hope it doesn't stretch to the 17th...