October 6th 2006
Dear Mummy, (herein referred to as The Owner)
I am writing to inform you that I will not be able to vacate the property located within the middle section of Your Body as noted in our contract dated January 1st 2006. Under the aforementioned contract, it was anticipated that the lease period would end on October 7th 2006. For various personal reasons I have not been able to achieve that date for vacating. Under Section 3 of the Tenants Rights Act, I wish to invoke Clause 5.1 which allows the tenant an additional 14 days tenancy with no ramifications or penalties due.
In accordance with the original lease, the premises will be left in good condition. I reserve the right to take with me various fixtures - namely the kitchen (herein referred to as The Placenta) and associated plumbing installed at my expense. All walls will be made good. In return I leave the premises clean and all floors will be steam cleaned prior to departure. I leave also any renovation works carried out by myself , including any additional rooms (inclusive of deck and jacuzzi).
October 7th 2006
Dear Petite 6.5st, (herein referred to as The Squatter)
We acknowledge receipt of your correspondence dated 6th October 2006 and wish to inform you of the Owners intention to take the property by force if necessary, and that due to previous experience will refute your claim to Squatters Rights for a period of 14 days. You will have received prior notification from a third party (herein referred to as The Acupuncturist) that eviction proceedings were begun on October 6th 2006 in a small room off King Street. The Owner wishes to inform you that these current proceedings will continue for a period of 4 days. If you still remain within the property after that date, additional force will be used at a date to be determined, but no later than October 17th 2006. A meeting to determine additional action took place on October 4th 2006 with a follow up meeting to take place October 11th 2006, wherein notification will be sent to you of those plans and any critical dates for you to note.
We once again stress that it is in all parties best interests for you to vacate the premises at your earliest. The Owner has provided numerous incentives, copies of which are noted in Appendices i, ii, and iii, and believes your stay has been comfortable and enjoyable, but that it is time for you to move on.