There is so much I’ve wanted to say. So much I’ve left unsaid, that sometimes my head hurts. Sometimes I feel the crafting is a veil that hides too much. And then I have to remember that the craft and this blog were all about a retreat from everything which makes my head hurt. And that is good.
I’ve been wondering about how to stop the head hurting. Is it possible to combine the craft with the real? Is that what I want? And the answer is very simple. I started this blog as my own space. It was a way of connecting with other like minded people, and sharing knowledge – developing new skills, honing old skills, and exploring another world which wasn’t based around the needs of a child, or an employer, or a family. All those things feed the blog, yes. And will always feed it, but I’ve been yearning to go further with a lot of it and explore other facets of who I am. Because there is another 6.5st beyond the material piles and wool selections. Occasionally I’ve let that person out. And now I want to let them out completely.
My journey to this point is long. It involves history, and baggage. Perhaps the result is a way of transforming history, my therapy, shall we say, and a way to soothe the head. Technically it started the day I was born – the way I was born, the family I was born into. And it developed, till I started my thesis, which enveloped me in the thrill of birth, and the fear of medicalisation and management systems on birthing mothers. My crusade began in earnest. The birth of my first child forced me to re-evaluate, and change some of my perceptions, while strengthening my convictions further in some areas. The first weeks of motherhood changed me irreconcilably in ways I have not gone into here on the blog, and which I have struggled to keep away from. Some things haunt me daily. Some things have given me insight. My struggle with severe Post Natal Depression has been touched upon, but to assume that because it is not talked about regularly that it no longer plays a part in my life is wrong – that does not say I still have it, I don’t, but what of the future? How has that affected my mothering abilities and me as a person? How have any of the decisions I’ve made affected me as a woman, as a wife, as a mother? Behind the scenes I have spent countless hours talking with other women about motherhood, birth, expectations, reality. I have spent hours with hospital councilors both formally and informally discussing attitudes and manners of change. I have spent hours with hospitals working to change policy and care procedures. I have designed hospitals to try and incorporate methods of change and adaptability. None of this you know. All of this I want you to know.
I want you to know about being a mother. And about being a working mother. And about compromise. And effective parenting. And love. And Expectations. And Triumph. And Disastrous Days. And I want to show you how I do it all, because some days I don’t know either, and I need to have a place to write it all down.
I am incredibly lucky that through the craft I have come into contact with other women who are similar in thought and conviction. I have made many wonderful friends, acquaintances and some people have become incredibly special people to me. I have relished the opportunities that have come my way through this blog. One particular person has recently become an important part of my pregnancy, and my views on motherhood. We’ve shared some really exceptional emails about motherhood and pregnancy, and the New Domesticity which seems to dominate many of the craft blogs currently. And we’d like to share all of that and more with all of you, through a new collaborative blog between Sooz and I. We’d like to take that informal passing on of experience and wisdom to the internet world, and hope you’ll join us at The Washing Line. We’ll provide the scones and tea, and you can join us anytime at the fence as we natter away.
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