six and a half stitches

CYCLES

No man's land [] That obscure place between here and there, where lines are blurred, and you're never sure which side you'll end up on. At the moment I feel I am falling towards one side, and not necessarily the side I want to fall onto. It's taking a lot of energy and will power, and use of all the CBT skills I have to persuade myself to step back. It is cyclic. It does end. I know that, but working through it is sometimes incredibly hard. You tread such fine lines each and every day. I want to explain more about my last post, and the perhaps somewhat cryptic passage above, but I don't have the right words at the moment, and I am wary of self absorption.

The school holidays are over. That will help. And today I did -

Nothing [] Absolutely nothing, except have coffee with a friend, sit on the couch, eat chocolate chip cookies, finish reading a book [I will shamelessly say the second last Harry Potter book, and now I have gone and bought the last one. It's all about intellect in our house] and knit endless rows of the February Lady Sweater. I have not been able to indulge like this for a long time. And it was gloriously good. The sweater is taking much longer than I thought, the rows are long and I haven't had blankets of time to work on it till today. But now the body is done, and I can enjoy thinking about button ideas. I have also been working on a little pattern that's been in my head over the last week, and am slowly taking my time and getting it right and tinkering with it, stopping pausing, ripping if needed, and counting. I hope I can get something nice to show soon for that.

As proof [] of the cyclic nature of all things, for the very first time in my life I have got an orchid to flower. I have the blackest thumbs, so I am always awed by the ability for any plants in my care to survive and flower [hence the copious amounts of flower photos, particularly magnolias on my flickr stream - my proof]. I am excited to watch this little piece unfurl, and I hope tomorrow it will be out in full.

Proof, that around the corner, life unfurls.

REPLACED WITH FINE SCENT

I wish the wind could take away
and replace with fine scent
and delicate colour
the heaviness that I feel today.

I have days, and sometimes weeks, where everything just seems to be a huge struggle and fight. I crave that quiet time, a moment to myself, and during school holidays, it doesn't really come often enough. I am, at the moment, embedding myself in the quiet solitude of simple clean photos, pretending my entire day is perhaps reflected somewhere in the shadows of the images. It is pretence.

Occasionally there are glimpses of sunshine relaxed minds. Today - Max skipping down the street, holding my hand [for how much longer I ask?], laughing and happy to be in my company, and I in his. I miss him so much - miss that one on one time we have, and rarely get now. We had hot chocolate, coffee, churros and thick chocolate to dip into, a trip to the library, marshmallow arts, and he chatted, and I chatted, and we had fun building lego snow trucks [he loved the snow, a huge success].

Now the afternoon tiredness is setting in and heaviness is again pushing against me. I have lego to clean up, a house to tidy, washing to fold - the detritous of being away. I think I will be placing the pile of petals on another shelf, right where I can see them, and where I can be reminded of the simple joy they have in form, colour and perfume.

FROM AND TO THE COLD

Oh it's been cold. Icy windy grey blustery clouds cold. The cold in which all the washing you hung on the line when it was sunny, has not dried, and you're going away tomorrow and wondering how it might dry without a dryer....cold in which you run and join in the soccer game being conducted by children in the park, and gladly pull billy carts up hills to keep warm. Cold that makes sausages on the bbq a really good idea, coffee and hot chocolate soothing, and the couch when you do get home inviting and enfolding.

And there's more cold to come. Tomorrow we head off to colder climes, to home cooked meals by my mother, roaring log fires, the air smelling of burning timber and fresh as anything, a warm house with space to run and play, and warm cosy beds to sleep in after books read by favourite grandparents, and where wine will lull you to sleep as you talk.

And then, when we've got used to that cold, we'll start again in even more cold as we introduce both children to snow, skis, cold hands and feet, toboggans and snowball fights. The excitement levels, are high.

In between, when I can, I will knit. I will not loose track of simple stitch patterns. I will not undo too many stitches again because I wasn't concentrating. I will knit two strands of fibre together and get a lovely muted tweedy colour. I will continue with my February Lady Sweater.

THROWING OUT :: STARTING AGAIN

In which things needed cleaning up.

The camera case...didn't make it. The paper pile of plans and pattern workings...didn't make it. The scissors, may, or may not, make it, depending on a second washing. The knitting needles....made it, just. The thread spools...made it, just out of reach. Similarly the left over shosenshi paper made it by being just out of reach. The pens...like the scissors may or may not make it depending on another wash. The pins, will probably make it, I think, but I may just replace them anyway. The timber table...will have to make it, but will never be the same again, it's veneer bubbling and lifting, and perhaps over the next few weeks I can clean it well each day, and rub a nice smelling oil into it till the smell fades.The favourite, long term bestest pincushion - the one you think you might replace with a newer version and then catch a glimpse of it and tell youself, no, no other pincushion will never be quite the same perched beside you as you sew...quite definately didn't make it. Thrown out after an overnight soak, and a stench still coming off it, it's beautiful backside stained yellow. In soaking it I did find 5 long forgotton needles hidden amongst the stuffing - I always wondered how needles could dissapear in a pincushion...

However in it's place....a simple linen piece, backed in pippijoe printed linen, and with a little felt fold across the top for needles to sit in (and not get lost within). And finished with an organic timber button. I resisted the urge to sashiko it. Just. I preferred clean lines, clean fabrics, clean smells and new supplies of favourite pins piercing it.

During last week, one of the cats got spooked, and we now have a clean up issue happening with one of the tables. I wont go into the fact it took me a day and half to actually find what should have been right under my nose (literally, let's just say the paper and the pincushion were at the epicentre), or that I am still finding fallout from the event, or that I am terribly ill prepared for such events, having only had to deal with it once before....Really I'm upset I had to make a new pincushion. That's the real issue here. That my lovely red and natural sashiko'd pincushion is now gone. And perhaps that my nostrils are affronted.

And to put the marshmallow question to rest: the answer, quite blindingly obviously, is martial arts. How could I have not got that immediately! I know Max was incredulous it took me so long. Really, I must know nothing, he declared. We will ignore the 5 year old logic that demanded I concentrate on the end of marshmallow for sound, when really I should have been looking at the front of the word...

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO MAX #004

Mummy: So are you ready to go to Taekwondo?

Max: That's not what it's called.

Mummy: Yes it is.

Max: No, it's not. That's not the right word. It's not the word I want to call it.

Mummy: Ok, so what is it called?

Max: That word that is the end of marshmallow

Mummy: Riiiiggghhht.

Max: You know? Do you remember it?

Mummy: I'm not sure I do remember that word, which word are you meaning exactly?

Max : That word that is the end of marshmallow.

Mummy: I'm not sure I know what you're -

Max: You're not listening to me, I said, the word that is the end of marshmallow.

Mummy: I am listening to you, but I'm a little confused which word it is, can you help me work it out?

Do you know what it is? Can you work it out?

It took me a day.

IMPROMPTU CREATIVITY

I walked out my front door, and noticed a purple-magenta haze against the tree in the front, and remembered to actually look when I returned. I find my spring magnolias about to bloom - a glorious feat because the tree is still just establishing itself (it's 4 years old), and this year it has so many more flower buds on it, and they're about to bloom along with the other magnolias in the area instead of after them. Outside my study, is a haze of wonderful light colour, undershot with the deep intense colour of the planting under.

I came home with fabric, on sale, for little things, of which the outcome keeps changing depending on my mindset. A deep thick denim - a skirt with shoulder straps for Pia, and a light soft brushed wool in a wheat colour for either the same outfit, or scarves.

I also came home with chocolate from Haigs, because I needed it.

I came home to a parcel of wool so now I can cast on for my next project - I've been waiting very patiently. I also came home to a beautiful print from Yoo_ii, and will scrounge around and try and find a frame for it tomorrow. I love framing things - final and polished and exhibited. Something new for my walls. While I'm at it, I should frame some other things which need framing as well.

I came home from an informal talk with ex work colleagues about contract work. A lovely lunch, and a huge confidence boost for me, feeling awkward and slightly unsettled still that I'm not working.

I came home with Max and we talked about his news day, where he recounted his weekend spent in a local park riding a billy cart around the tracks with photos on the active board to back him up. Mr 6.5st helped build it with Max, looking for timber offcuts, seats (it is a two seater) and rope and wheels. It's a great billy cart - it rides smooth and sturdy, fast enough the children feel they're having a ride, not fast enough they'll kill themselves. Each day as we turned up we gathered a crowd, and local chidren appeared from everywhere to ride it. How glorious this community, where children can congregate around home made stuff and have hours and hours of fun, negotiating between themselves for turns and time limits, helping pull the cart back up the slopes, being mindful of smaller children, and enjoying the spirit of warm winter days and lazy childhood weekends. Pia loved it, sitting in the back like the Queen Of The Park, waving her little wave as she sped past. Max - the owner, 'The Boss' whose decision was always deferred to, giving him confidence and assurance. All children, excited and keen to be part of it, no matter their age.

Impromptu gatherings of parents and children, food drink and laughter.

Impromptu creativity.

THE SCENT

Heather bracken, alpine meadows, everlasting flowers, march flies hovering, crisp clean air, icy, fresh, fools gold glimmering under water creeks, lavender drying under Tuscan sun, wild rosemary lingering, scones baking, antique gold doorknobs, shaded branches entwined with wisteria, focaccia cooking, twilight singing, gumtree canopies, lilac mists, baroque brocade, fairy wings, silent dawn sunrises, simple socks.

The scent of [] Koigu, Master Foxglove stocking stitch sock, simple diamond lace cuff

THE GREEN LEAF

A different fabric [] bolder, stronger, more colourful, graphic and a heavier weight, teamed with green leggings, and a totally different feel and look. This one brings out the colour in her cheeks, the orange in her hair, the milky cream of her skin, the rose pink of her little feet and toes. It still needs a hem and a little button fastening at the back, but it looks so fabulous - unlike anything I've seen in the shops, and secretly that makes me very happy.

Momentarily, she was still.

I wanted to take a moment and thank everyone for such beautiful warm comments recently. It makes each project all the more special to receive such beautiful comments about them, and I do carry around with me all the little things that get written. They become part of the piece that is made, and I think that's a trully wonderful thing to have. So a little heartfelt thankyou, sent your way.

THE RED BOUNCE

If you have children, you will know just how difficult it is to get a 20 month old child to sit still and pose. It appears that because she is wearing a dotted dress, she must bounce. It is the rule. So I believe. She has bounced, and bounced, and bounced some more. And a nice clear picture of dress, leggings and child are not to be had. I fed my legging obsession, and now we have leggings in charcoal, a wonderful green, and a dusky musk colour. They are so perfect I'm going to have to make more for sleepwear. And then there is the dress. No, the dressES! The red dot, a Nani Iro double gauze in a pattern from this book. One of my all time favourite fabrics and prints, I have used this in so many things, and never tire of it. Clean, fresh, easy to move in, simple lines, subtle a-line shaping, 3/4 length sleeves, and oh so adorable on my babe. Just what I want in clothing for a girl.

OBSESSIONS FOR SMALL CHILDREN

I have gained myself a new obsession. Well, it might not be an obession yet, but it might rapidly become one over the next few hours/days if I have my way. It's the 'sewn legging obsession'. More importantly, the 'sewn legging obsesison for small children' - which is way more chic than the obsession of leggings for ladies. Some left over charcoal wool knit, and this book - which is absolutely fabulous - and a little twist of charcoal ribbon bow to finish, and we have leggings. Tight, snug, long leggings, in a colour the shops will never do for small girls. Because it is not pink. Or red. Or purple. And they fit beautifully. And they look ever so japanese adorable. They will go super well with a new red dot dress. You need a new dress for new leggings. Trust me. And really, why stop at just one dress. Why not make another bolder stronger graphic one too in a heavy weight cotton. So I did. More pictures tomorrow if the bouncing girl stops bouncing and let's me photograph her. Now somewhere around here I have more knit fabrics. More leggings. More little tiny bows. More cute.